What Exactly Is a Christian Counsellor - and What Are They Not?

Mention the words Christian counsellor and people can form very different pictures.

Some imagine a pastor sitting with an open Bible, ready with a verse for every curse. Others might assume it is simply another name for a psychologist who happens to be Christian. Some may even worry that counselling will become preaching - that they will be told what they ought to believe, how they ought to behave, or that greater faith should somehow make their problems disappear.

None of those pictures adequately describes what Christian counselling should be.

A Christian counsellor is first of all someone who journeys alongside another person during a difficult, confusing or painful part of life. That may involve marriage difficulties, grief, family conflict, anxiety about the future, major life changes, questions of identity or purpose, or simply reaching the point where someone knows that the way they have been coping is no longer working.

The Christian part matters. It is not simply a label attached to the door.

For me, Christian counselling also carries a deeper calling. I believe I am called to reflect something of Christ's love in the way I meet each person - with compassion, patience, honesty and respect - and to remain attentive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit. That does not mean turning every counselling session into a religious conversation. Often that love is expressed much more simply - by listening well, taking someone's pain seriously, and treating them as someone whose story matters.

My Christian faith shapes the way I understand people. Every person has dignity and value. People are far more than just the problem that brought them into the counselling room. We are capable of being hurt and of hurting others, of making poor decisions and showing remarkable resilience, of suffering broken relationships and sometimes of finding healing and restoration.

Faith informs the values from which I work – but it does not give me permission to impose my beliefs upon somebody else. Nor does it give me the right to exclude someone simply because they do not share my beliefs.

Christian counselling is not preaching.

There may certainly be occasions when Scripture, prayer or questions of faith become part of the counselling process - particularly when those things are important to the person seeking counselling. But quoting a Bible verse is not the same thing as counselling. Sometimes people already know the verse. What they do not know is how to live tomorrow morning with the situation they are facing today.

Good counselling requires listening. Sometimes a great deal of listening.

It means helping somebody slow down long enough to understand what is happening beneath the argument, the fear, the anger or the sadness. It may mean challenging patterns of thinking or behaviour. It may involve looking honestly at choices, relationships and consequences. At times it means helping someone recognise possibilities they could not see while standing in the middle of the storm.

A Christian counsellor is also not a psychologist or psychiatrist simply by virtue of being a counsellor.

Those professions involve their own qualifications, registrations and areas of practice. Responsible counselling requires knowing the limits of one's own training and competence. There are circumstances where a client needs a psychologist, psychiatrist, medical practitioner, social worker or another specialist, and good counselling includes recognising when referral is necessary.

That is not a weakness in the counselling relationship. It is part of practising responsibly.

Nor is a counsellor there to make somebody's decisions for them.

This can be particularly tempting when someone arrives asking, "What should I do?" Should I stay in this marriage? Should I leave? Should I forgive? Should I confront somebody? Should I change jobs?

It would often be much easier simply to give an answer.

But the counsellor does not have to live with that answer - the client does.

Which means that my role is not to take over somebody else's life, but to help them understand their life, and the challenges they face, more clearly. We can explore the choices available, what those choices may mean, what values are involved, and what consequences might follow. Ultimately, people need to take ownership of the decisions they make.

Perhaps that is the simplest way I can describe what I believe Christian counselling should be.

It is a place where faith, careful listening, honest reflection and professional responsibility meet.

Sometimes the result is healing. Sometimes reconciliation. Sometimes acceptance of something that cannot be changed. Sometimes it is simply the first time in a long time that somebody has felt truly heard, valued, and able to speak honestly without being judged.

And very often, that is where change and renewal have an opportunity to begin.

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